Thursday, November 25, 2010


Days go by and I’m getting calls and comments from both sides. Queens VS Rockland. Queen is too far and Rockland would be uncomfortable for D (the baby’s father) to attend the shower because of our history. Its clear that there’s suppose to be two showers but money is the issue and Tania is not coming out saying she honestly wasn’t planning to do all the things she said she was going to do for me out of her own pocket and Shennel is giving her righteous opinion about every little detail and everyone s just talking and getting stupid and spreading the shit to me, I’m consistently asking, isn’t this suppose to be a surprise am I suppose to share the stress of these planning events JUST CANCEL THE WHOLE SHIT! They get it under control, for two seconds and back to fuck with me the next two. Shennel stories lead to more questions and comments from Tania and stress for me, that leads to everyone stressing me telling me "not to stress it’s not good for the baby" “I will talk to you about it later" just the funniest shit ever.
My mom calls me and lets me now she will be helping out with the shower in Rockland which made sense to me. I was also informed that the only aunt I have on my moms side or let alone have will not be attending my shower because she  doesn’t support the fat I'm having a child and I’m not married, Radical Christians? Maybe I should have gotten an abortion nd came to the church and praise the Lord with the rest of the phonies lol was very pissed the fuck off and planned on not speaking a word to her for the rest of my unmarried life. But that wouldn’t make sense to anyone else "because I need help and shouldn’t burn my bridges" I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT A BRIDGE AND DIDNT PLAN ON NEEDED ANYONE FOR SHIT.  I work hard and don’t ask for favors and still I feel out of control of my own shit. Unable to express myself while others talk about me and express whatever the hell they feel and I should take it and smile. All the stress and gossip..Where does the shower fit in?


Just when I thought things were getting better : / my friend Tania hits me with a text asking for my "baby’s daddy’s" number. I was confused what for? Figured out it has to be about the baby shower so I texted my cousin Nicole to confirm and she did. Weeks of drama for me. Tania was talking a good game as if she just needed a little of help from my mom, Nicole and the father of my child, but if they didn’t help she would be fine she has it all figured out. She started calling the very few friends and family I did have and more drama began. I didn’t tell too many people about my pregnancy, how do you just spread the news? I don’t now but my talkative cousin Shennel had a clue and told Tania all about the wrong moves she feels I had from beginning to end, from the father to how I failed to broadcast the news to the family. It’s funny to me because my family is as close as oil is to water. So her whole dramarific story she told about me to Tania who she never met during their first phone call conversation really blew my mind and left me wanting to put hands on her. Shennel disapproved on every idea Tania had and didn’t suggest a damn thing. I ended it all saying do two separate showers…its was a go…at the time.